Sunday, 15 June 2008
Push da hoes out of bed & get up. Check beard. Eat breakfast - cheese steak wit extra cheese. Check beard. Take a shower, comb beard. Root through safe & choose which chain. Check beard. Have entourage pack 200 rolexes for da journey ahead. Check beard. Drive to soundcheck in da biggest Chevy you've seen thus far - (give out rolexes to the police cavalcade who now seem to follow me everywhere I go). Check beard. Call beard stylist for da daily update, check my beard is da biggest he's seen thus far. Take some hoes back to da crib (via Rolex to pick up supplies). Check beard. Freak in da magnum until a bitch starts trying to braid my beard - hop out da magnum & pull out da magnum, pop dat bitch. Check Beard. Pop dat other bitch too - how she gone cross out a Freeway neck tattoo & get my name underneath?! Check beard. Eat the biggest burger that I've seen thus far. Check beard. Drive back to the show in the blacked out Maybach with the customized Boss license plates & rims - (da police still pull me over for them rolexes - must be dat lame l'il homie fresh outta jail in his old jeep working with 'em is how they know it's me in the car). Check beard. Showtime - I'm a tell these people who da biggest boss that they seen thus far is.
A day in the life of Rick Ross's manager...
Call police to tell them where Mr Ross will be traveling today. Check results of Mori poll survey commissioned by the Hip Hop Managers Association-
Call L'il Waynes manager - re-assure him that Wayne should NEVER grow a beard (hope he doesn't detect fear in voice). Call bank & check 20% from police department has cleared. Call Mr Ross's chef & check he has started using the new super strain of msg & hydrogenated trans-fat seasoning in all of his meals. Call Mr Ross's doctor & check his blood pressure is going up. Call PR press clipping service for any new potential 'beef' developments. Burn the birthday present Mr Ross sent (a Tshirt emblazoned 'I work for da biggest boss you've seen thus far').
Check on BEARD WATCH:
Freeway - threat number 1
David Banner, threat number 2
The Ying Yang twins - not a threat individually but together could prove problematic
Probably not a threat to mr Ross but ?uestlove certainly is hirsute...
Rick Rubin - possibly the biggest threat of all...
Go home before lunch.